Taking a step back and looking at my life

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 02:50:32 GMT

It is funny, only 2-3 months ago I would have never guessed whom I would be today. It took so little time. In fact it had been on my mind for a while, but I didn't quite understand how sexual power exchange works and what it does for people. Until now, it had mostly been a fantasy for me, now it's an experience. I don't want to say I'm experienced, but I'm learning and meeting interesting people who share the same ideas. Sometimes it is even ironic how nice and friendly all those bad ass 'sadists' can be hehe... you'd expect them to beat the shit out of you if you only opened your mouth. Anyways, rope is my thing. I was always intrigued by photos I would find online and think how wonderful and artistic some of the ties were, how sexy and devoted those tied people looked. I believe that being tied up can be quite a journey for some people, especially when appropriate atmosphere is set. I always see it as a ritual. It should be done as a ritual...creating a surreal state of being for that bottom person. Making them get totally aware and connected with their body and take them on a flight within themselves. I am very grateful to those people who help me improve my skills, both educators at workshops and people who are simply willing to offer themselves for practice. I'm glad I reconnected with Libby. I'm glad I made a little friend at GD who is not afraid to speak about her fantasies. I'll see her and her boyfriend there at the Auction Night and this is one of her greatest fantasies to be bought by someone and then tied up and played with. I think she secretly wishes it is me, but who knows if I'll be able to afford it ;) Nevertheless, we're definitely going to get some practice as I have some things in mind for her and me to try out.

I would have never guessed I would be sitting in a dungeon, screams of pain and pleasure in the background, me discussing different munches and talking about rope with people in the social area. Practicing ties on sexy women who love the idea of being bound and get turned on by the slightest touch of rope on their flesh. Being surrounded by people who are very open about their sexuality is wonderful.

At this point I'm not saying I'm a top, a bottom, or a switch simply because I don't know yet. I am not saying this will become a lifestyle for me, but it's definitely something I enjoy very much. The word 'lifestyle' just doesn't work for me. I think that the word 'sexstyle' would be more appropriate although I understand that 'lifestyle' is often referred to the sexual power exchange play within the community. Also, I don't feel "leather community" is appropriate either. I think I just view the whole idea my own way. It does something for me that's more than I can express with words...spiritual in some crazy way I see it.

To conclude, I fond myself in a place where I want to be. It may be dark and evil, but it's beautiful and amazing at the same time. Even polyamory and polygamy doesn't scare me today. All these things became normal to me just like that. Just understanding and realizing what these things do for people and what these things can do for oneself.

Sadly, school has started and that means I will have to ease off on everything. I have decided to stay with one munch for rope practice and that might be sometimes a lot for me as far as finding time goes. And with GD I'm simply going to get the membership. It's a good place, even if I just want to relax at night and not really do anything but meet new people. Also, they have good books :)

Master Card commercial:
"People who understand you: priceless"

Life is good at this moment, maybe a little lonely, but that's life and has it's ups and downs :)

Moje Biadolenie

Taking a step back and looking at my life